Before I met my husband, I dated a bunch of not-nice guys.
I peppered in a few nice guys here and there, but I think I was so insecure and unhappy at that time that I either drove those good guys away or grew bored of their niceness.
And you know exactly the type of people I’m referring to.
You’ll be standing on a packed 7 train in the middle August, like a sweat-infused tin of sardines, with fluid from the air conditioning dripping on your forehead like new age Chinese water torture. You can’t help but start to question his ulterior motives.
Think of someone who’s overly nice as, like, an overly sweet piece of cheesecake.
Sure, after your first bite, you think you’re indulging in the finest wedge of cake you’ve ever encountered.
Hence, if you want the truth – try to avoid people who are considered “nice.”To help put that in perspective, think of “kindness” and “honesty” as the second cousins of character traits.
They’re kind of related, but technically have nothing to do with one another.
If they don’t faze you, I start to question what you could possibly be hiding.
This aloofness isn’t something I work toward—in fact, I actively try not to have a cold exterior, but it’s a part of who I am. I can be a hard-ass, and I can be snappish and reactive and I take zero shit from anybody.
Part of being with a nice guy is learning to soften for him, particularly when he needs you to be present for him. When I was with guys who weren’t all that nice, this wasn’t a problem. A less-balanced guy might try to charm me into being sweeter, or might take advantage of the situation to create a fight and cause drama.
After a while, sweetness gets old, and you want realness instead.
While nice people are fantastic individuals, it doesn’t mean they’re always trustworthy.I didn’t see the pattern then, but once I met Ivan and chose to prioritize this genuinely sweet, caring person in my life, there were a few things I had to learn:—I’m not a super warm and cuddly person in real life.